2018.12.12, updated 2019.05.06

Loving myself

i love myself

i love that i am honest, i tell the truth, and i own my mistakes. I change and grow in reaction to my experiences, hoping to become a better person. i change my mind when I need to, and i try to pay attention for evidence that it is time for change.

i love that i am smart, and that i know it. i share what i know, i try not to lord myself above other people, and i am generally cautious with my mathematical power.

i love that i am playful. i skip in the hallway in high heels, do jumping jacks at midnight, and laugh for no reason. i suck at telling jokes, but i love to hear them. I love telling stories, sharing bits and pieces from my life, generally about once. I love imagination games and word play.

i love that i think deeply about my life and how it affects others. i love that I care about others.

i love that i am able to forgive and understand fucked up things. i love that i am friends with my former partner, that we can continue to share each others' lives, albeit at a distance.

i love that i am not on social media. i love being free from advertising and narcissism and viral trends, for the most part -- though I guess that leaves more time for me to deal with my own narcissism. i love that i don't really watch tv, and sparingly watch movies.

i love that i have cool hobbies, like cycling and 3d printing and gaming. i love that i am a good gamer, that i can be competitive in a friendly way. i love teaching games, and learning new ones. I'd rather play 10 different games than one game 10 times.

i love that i am a woman, and that i am trans, and together a trans woman. i love that i freely share my gender experience with others, to educate and advocate. I even love the conversations I hate, the ones where a stranger asks me about my genitals, having no idea what they are doing as they do it.

i love that i have breasts and thighs. I love that I have no facial hair any more, and that my legs are smooth and soft. I love that I have a plan for a feminine face and a vagina. i love that i have done all these things myself, that i have relied on no person to do anything for me.

at the same time, i love that i can ask for help when i need it or want it. and i love being able to help others, too.

I love that I have a female experience in life. that I am finally welcomed into circles from which I was systematically excluded before. I love connecting with other women, learning from them what womanhood means. I love connecting with men as a woman. And I love my gender queer and trans siblings, too.

I love that i am a good person, with a loving heart. I love being me. i love me.

and i love you, too